My Name Was Judas

 

We were Judas to each other

  but I betrayed her first

The pain of that betrayal

  would never leave her

No matter the years, the prayers,

  my remorse and new devotion

The seeds sown years ago

  would, over many days and years,

  bear heartache, thorns, thistles

Ignorant of the depth of her pain

  I would continue to expose

  my broken, sinful soul

to one that I believed remained

  my trusted companion and friend

Oblivious to her silent cries

  I remained ill-prepared for

  the reciprocal, complete betrayal

Her words, her actions ended

  many of my long standing

  friendships and relationships

I became cut off and cursed by

  those whom I loved and trusted

Her “justified” decisions left

  my darkest sins and weaknesses

  uncovered for all to know

My confidant had become my

  prosecutor, judge, and jury

Devastated and undone I knew

  Judas was our common badge

  but somehow, we hung each other

In the end, I’m not sure who saw

  me gasping and released the noose

But as I caught my breath, cleared my head

  the landscape had dramatically changed

By God’s grace, I found relief in exile

  far away from everything familiar, from home

A fragile hope with the healing of another

  left me bewildered by a peaceful season

    filled with rest, abundance, and love 

The nightmare had apparently passed

  but the memories and trauma would linger

    possibly until life’s end

Still, I pray for my former companion

  that she, we would know His grace, mercy

    healing, forgiveness, restoration

The old dreams and aspirations are gone

  but we serve the God of new beginnings, new names

My name was Judas but today

  I am simply called Forgiven.

 

-         mark d. cooke, 5-3-26