Re-entry

Re-entry: My Post Camino Journey

I have returned to my old life with all of its ambiguity

Moving from a deep sense of purpose on a world scale

To uncertainty, melancholy and meaninglessness

Exacerbated, I’m sure, by too much introspection

But undoubtedly fueled by a genuine depravation

One that is not new, nor fleeting

Ancient to the soul and lingering deep within 

How does one move from significance to desolation

Such a radical shift, belonging to detachment, in a matter of days

Having lived a life that others only dreamed of

Having scaled the heights and explored the depths 

Having been poured into by many notables from many streams

Having been taken, blessed, broken and given away

Having found faith, hope and love, earthly and heavenly

Having ventured into paths unknown, guided by a divine hand

Having tasted His goodness, mercy, loving kindness, and abundant provision

And now restlessly, faithlessly, weighed down by unsettledness

Denying the contentment that declares itself over and above me

Ignoring the peace, sacramentally spoken around and in me

Flirting with despair and resignation repeatedly 

Hoping to numb a pain in a place I cannot find

If I were a psalmist there might be resolution

If I were a martyr there might be consummation 

If I were a warrior there might be noble valor

If I were a visionary there might be hope on the horizon

But I am a lost sheep, wandering in an overgrazed field

Longing for the voice and guidance of the Good Shepherd

Remembering His words, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Wondering where His hand has led me and why

Wondering if this merry go round has an end game

Wondering if I will ever hear that voice behind me…

“This is the way; walk in it.”

"Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart sad?'
I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again --
my savior and my God!"


mark d. cooke, 11-14-17

On the Eve of Power: A Prayer

Father,

I’m supposed to preach tomorrow…about your power

The power that comes when we tarry – seeking Your face

        acknowledging our helplessness, sinfulness

            and utter inadequacy

Your Word and works declare, even shout

            this power, this spirit indwells me

    but there’s something more… “it shall come upon you”

            something from without, invading within

Changing forever the source and direction

          of what drives me

And tomorrow I stand before your precious people

Confidently confessing for all to see

            the reality, immanence and relevance

Of your power…for us today – right now

     come hell or high water

            come addiction, depression and personal failure

An overcoming power

    when my loved ones get sick and even die

    when my children stray and fall

    when the chaos of the moment

            drains out any vision for the future

    when my own flesh leads an open rebellion

         against the new creation that I’ve become in Christ

    when I’m misunderstood, misrepresented

            and even betrayed

That’s right Lord, I’m gonna stand up there

       under the mantle of man’s ordination

              vast years of my pastoral training and profession

  with what sometimes seems like – very little overcoming faith

       but loads of religious experience

       and testify to the POWER, Your power, the power of God

Divine power, creative power, resurrecting power, healing power, saving power, delivering power, transforming power, overcoming, devil-stomping, faith enhancing, limitless power!

I’ll wave my hands expressively and shout,

“It’s in me!  It’s in you!  It’s in this church!

It’s real and here right now, for any and every situation!”

Just one hitch, Jesus, I don’t feel very powerful tonight

            I have recollections of yesterday and long ago

When your power in me

            imparted transformation and faith

Somewhere in the journey…too often self-absorbed

     I stretched out my hand,

             touching a glory meant only for you

Proud, careless, foolish, naïve, immature, undisciplined

            all the above

My need for validation exposed me

            to the pressures and pulls of this world

        and Delilah cut my hair and Philistines plucked my eyes

But when I cried, “Lord, have mercy! Great is Your faithfulness!”

Your healing grace restored my sight, the joy of my salvation

             and with that my strength

So tomorrow I will without shame proclaim…

“Not by might, not by power

                  but by my Spirit, says the Lord”

And if you don’t do something, Father

            in my life, in our church, in our land

We don’t have the power…to get it done

Lord, light the fire again

            start tonight, ignite in me afresh

                    then through your presence and your power

Release in your people the passion of Pentecost

Make it so, dear God – for Jesus sake.  Amen!

02/14/98, Revised, 1/31/17  -  Mark D. Cooke