*Alternate title: “Spiritual
Schizophrenia: Why I’m Glad Paul Wrote Romans 7”
i hunger for Your
Presence
while
hiding and on the run
worshiping Your Holiness even as
fleshly
thoughts bombard my mind
lifting my gaze Heavenward only to be
distracted
by some earthly visage
ministering Your Healing but busying myself
to numb my
own soul-sickness
dancing in Your Light while the outward man
walks with
chains around his feet
speaking Your Peace over weary souls while
feeling
adrift in the storms of life
committing to Spiritual Disciplines yet frequently
losing
Your Rhythms of Grace
the inner man delights in the Law of God while
my psyche
bends to the law of sin & death
longing for Transparency and Authenticity
i erect
walls of defense and obstruction
seeking to walk by Faith and not by sight while
still
allowing life’s routines & circumstances
to leave me anxious & afraid
thirsting for true Community
i too
often run to my cave
“oh wretched man that i am;
who will
set me free from this body of death?”
You beckon me to sweet Solitude with You but
i cower in
a sense of isolation & loneliness
You call me to Shepherd others when
i myself
am a wayward sheep
You invite me to worship in Spirit & Truth while
i’m
burdened by ritual & tradition
You send me to the ministry of Reconciliation but
there are
brothers with whom i no longer walk
You call me to speak the Truth in Love yet
too often
i cowardly refrain
You urge me to model Grace but how easily
and
foolishly i can speak judgment
and words that do not edify
You call me to come and Die while a dead man
whispers lies in my soul
You command me to pray for true Unity while
i am
often separated from my brother
by superficial things
You declare that I will receive Power and release it into
the world, but sterility clings to
my life
You plead with me to come and Rest but i’m still
wrestling
angels by the river Jabbok
You welcome me as Friend opening Your arms for
Intimacy
yet i so easily treat You like a stranger
“oh wretched man that i am;
who will
set me free from this body of death?”
“Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!”
mark d. cooke – 1-19-08
