My Name Was Judas

 

We were Judas to each other

  but I betrayed her first

The pain of that betrayal

  would never leave her

No matter the years, the prayers,

  my remorse and new devotion

The seeds sown years ago

  would, over many days and years,

  bear heartache, thorns, thistles

Ignorant of the depth of her pain

  I would continue to expose

  my broken, sinful soul

to one that I believed remained

  my trusted companion and friend

Oblivious to her silent cries

  I remained ill-prepared for

  the reciprocal, complete betrayal

Her words, her actions ended

  many of my long standing

  friendships and relationships

I became cut off and cursed by

  those whom I loved and trusted

Her “justified” decisions left

  my darkest sins and weaknesses

  uncovered for all to know

My confidant had become my

  prosecutor, judge, and jury

Devastated and undone I knew

  Judas was our common badge

  but somehow, we hung each other

In the end, I’m not sure who saw

  me gasping and released the noose

But as I caught my breath, cleared my head

  the landscape had dramatically changed

By God’s grace, I found relief in exile

  far away from everything familiar, from home

A fragile hope with the healing of another

  left me bewildered by a peaceful season

    filled with rest, abundance, and love 

The nightmare had apparently passed

  but the memories and trauma would linger

    possibly until life’s end

Still, I pray for my former companion

  that she, we would know His grace, mercy

    healing, forgiveness, restoration

The old dreams and aspirations are gone

  but we serve the God of new beginnings, new names

My name was Judas but today

  I am simply called Forgiven.

 

-         mark d. cooke, 5-3-26

Lent and the Myth of Insulation

 Lent and the Myth of Insulation

the whole of mankind is a raging tempest

  nowhere on the planet appears unscathed

global conflicts, rampant lawlessness, moral decay

  religious decline, religious persecution,

  the continued slaughter of the innocent

societal fragmentation, economic uncertainty

  abounding misinformation, chronic helplessness

human trafficking, sexual and gender confusion

  homelessness, addictions of every kind, despair

incivility, fury, fractured homes, anxiety, madness

  the exponential ramping up, simply mind crushing

 

but here i sit by my fire, in my cozy house

  on a grey, cold, windy, rainy winter day

     insulated from it all

all the creature comforts one could dream of

  a precious, loving companion by my side

  a pleasant neighborhood with every amenity nearby

  a comfortable church in a lovely part of town

dinner with friends, life in safe community

  waiting for warmer, golf weather

 

i live in a world insulated

  from so much torment, hardship, suffering

the awareness of such creates a deep perception

  of a surreal and yet uncertain existence

what is the purpose of the Divine life in me

  for such a time as this

one does not retire from serving one’s King

  but where is the place of engagement

i confess to wanting to play it safe

  but our King isn’t safe but truly good and kind

kind and true, that’s the key,

  to existence, engagement, playing my part

  i cannot be one without the other

kindness without truth 

  unhealthy, accommodating empathy

truth without kindness

  a cold, harsh spirit of judgment and legalism

all of us tend to lean towards one or the other

  only His Spirit can produce both in my life

 

so as i sit by “my laughing fire” i choose an exchange

  laying down insulation, while embracing His peace

i surrender afresh all that i have, all that i am

  giving all away for the glory of the King

  Whose return one day, will make all things right

until that day - accepting His assignment

  i desire to guard my heart from insulation

meeting (no, looking for) the broken and the needy

  in the course of my daily journey

 

from dust i have come and to dust shall i return

  but until i return there or He returns here

may i ever be willing to get down into

  the dirt, the grime, the pain, the dust of this world

daring to be true and kind, shining in the darkness

  always acknowledging that our lives are in His hands

“in the world you shall have tribulation,

    but be of good cheer for I have overcome the world.”

 

-          - mark d. cooke, 2-19-26