We
were Judas to each other
but I betrayed her first
The
pain of that betrayal
would never leave her
No
matter the years, the prayers,
my remorse and new devotion
The
seeds sown years ago
would, over many days and years,
bear heartache, thorns, thistles
Ignorant
of the depth of her pain
I would continue to expose
my broken, sinful soul
to
one that I believed remained
my trusted companion and friend
Oblivious
to her silent cries
I remained ill-prepared for
the reciprocal, complete betrayal
Her
words, her actions ended
many of my long standing
friendships and relationships
I
became cut off and cursed by
those whom I loved and trusted
Her
“justified” decisions left
my darkest sins and weaknesses
uncovered for all to know
My
confidant had become my
prosecutor, judge, and jury
Devastated
and undone I knew
Judas was our common badge
but somehow, we hung each other
In
the end, I’m not sure who saw
me gasping and released the noose
But
as I caught my breath, cleared my head
the landscape had dramatically changed
By
God’s grace, I found relief in exile
far away from everything familiar, from home
A
fragile hope with the healing of another
left me bewildered by a peaceful season
filled with rest, abundance, and love
The
nightmare had apparently passed
but the memories and trauma would linger
possibly until life’s end
Still,
I pray for my former companion
that she, we would know His grace, mercy
healing, forgiveness, restoration
The
old dreams and aspirations are gone
but we serve the God of new beginnings, new
names
My
name was Judas but today
I am simply called Forgiven.
-
mark d. cooke, 5-3-26
