Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Dilemmas*


*Alternate title: “Spiritual Schizophrenia: Why I’m Glad Paul Wrote Romans 7”

i  hunger for Your Presence
            while hiding and on the run
worshiping Your Holiness even as
            fleshly thoughts bombard my mind
lifting my gaze Heavenward only to be
            distracted by some earthly visage
ministering Your Healing but busying myself
            to numb my own soul-sickness
dancing in Your Light while the outward man
            walks with chains around his feet
speaking Your Peace over weary souls while
            feeling adrift in the storms of life
committing to Spiritual Disciplines yet frequently
            losing Your Rhythms of Grace
the inner man delights in the Law of God while
            my psyche bends to the law of sin & death
longing for Transparency and Authenticity
            i erect walls of defense and obstruction
seeking to walk by Faith and not by sight while
            still allowing life’s routines & circumstances
                       to leave me anxious & afraid
thirsting for true Community
             i too often run to my cave

“oh wretched man that i am;
           who will set me free from this body of death?”

You beckon me to sweet Solitude with You but
            i cower in a sense of isolation & loneliness
You call me to Shepherd others when
            i myself am a wayward sheep
You invite me to worship in Spirit & Truth while
            i’m burdened by ritual & tradition
You send me to the ministry of Reconciliation but
            there are brothers with whom i no longer walk
You call me to speak the Truth in Love yet
            too often i cowardly refrain
You urge me to model Grace but how easily
                 and foolishly i can speak judgment
                           and words that do not edify
You call me to come and Die while a dead man
                whispers lies in my soul
You command me to pray for true Unity while
               i am often separated from my brother
                            by superficial things
You declare that I will receive Power and release it into
              the world, but sterility clings to my life
You plead with me to come and Rest but i’m still
              wrestling angels by the river Jabbok
You welcome me as Friend opening Your arms for     
              Intimacy yet i so easily treat You like a stranger

“oh wretched man that i am;
            who will set me free from this body of death?”

“Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!”

mark d. cooke – 1-19-08


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