I have returned to my old life with all of its ambiguity
Moving from a deep sense of purpose on a world scale
To uncertainty, melancholy and meaninglessness
Exacerbated, I’m sure, by too much introspection
But undoubtedly fueled by a genuine depravation
One that is not new, nor fleeting
Ancient to the soul and lingering deep within
How does one move from significance to desolation
Such a radical shift, belonging to detachment, in a matter of days
Having lived a life that others only dreamed of
Having scaled the heights and explored the depths
Having been poured into by many notables from many streams
Having been taken, blessed, broken and given away
Having found faith, hope and love, earthly and heavenly
Having ventured into paths unknown, guided by a divine hand
Having tasted His goodness, mercy, loving kindness, and abundant provision
And now restlessly, faithlessly, weighed down by unsettledness
Denying the contentment that declares itself over and above me
Ignoring the peace, sacramentally spoken around and in me
Flirting with despair and resignation repeatedly
Hoping to numb a pain in a place I cannot find
If I were a psalmist there might be resolution
If I were a martyr there might be consummation
If I were a warrior there might be noble valor
If I were a visionary there might be hope on the horizon
But I am a lost sheep, wandering in an overgrazed field
Longing for the voice and guidance of the Good Shepherd
Remembering His words, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Wondering where His hand has led me and why
Wondering if this merry go round has an end game
Wondering if I will ever hear that voice behind me…
“This is the way; walk in it.”
"Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart sad?'
I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again --
my savior and my God!"
mark d. cooke, 11-14-17
"Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart sad?'
I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again --
my savior and my God!"
mark d. cooke, 11-14-17
